Husband and wife bond impacts children

Ellen Says: Sometimes, children act out not because they have emotional or psychological problems, but because the family environment is too heated or cold. A child acting out can temporarily lower the tension between parents because the parents have to focus their attention on the child rather than the marriage. Children are willing to "take the heat" to keep their parents together. The problem of focusing on the acting out child is that it prevents the parents from dealing with the real issue.

All of this is to say to parents, the best gift you can give to your children is a secure bond and a stable marriage. For the sake of the children, parents need to learn to work through their issues and conflicts. Chronic unresolved conflicts can permeate a family's life and create emotional and psychological problems in children. Children are not mature enough to get caught in the crossfire between disgruntled parents.

If there are issues that are building a fire under the family fishbowl and heating up the temperature of the water in the fishbowl, parents need to put out the fire and restore the water to a safe and comfortable temperature. This is the responsibility of the parents, not the children.

Maintaining a healthy marriage can be viewed as one of the best parenting jobs a couple can do. A stable and affectionate bond between parents allows a child to feel confident and secure so they can continue to grow and develop into a healthy and productive adult.

The best thing a mother can do for her children is to love their father. The best thing a husband can do for his children is to love their mother.

A miracle takes place in an acting-out child when parents get their act together. The "problem child" suddenly becomes cooperative again and her grades come back up and she is pleasant to be around.