facing the thunderstorms...

Dom says: I am having a hard time integrating myself to my community. It seems that I am facing so much difficulty in doing the routines of the structure of the community in each day.

Although there is so much sense of obedience on my part towards the community's customary practice, I can feel an inward sense of reluctance and resistance inside of me of what is going on in the realms of my community.

I am embarrassed because the monks of the community in which I belong is so understanding, kind, and compassionate of my shortcomings and infirmities....

I find it so hard to recall, remember and get into the reality of my past. This gives me so much energy that causes so much exhaustion that ends me to acquiring sleepless nights. Just last night, I was all awake and was only able to get some sleep at 1:15AM in the wee hours of the morning....

This sleep patterns affect my daily integration to the community's customary. Can it be because of the medications that Dr Miller has prescribed me for the injury that I am sustaining now from the motorbike accident?

Can it be because of a residue from the three-month long hibernation that took place while I was undergoing the much needed counseling with Dr Hannah Leigh Bull? ...

Can it be because of the realization of the death of my elder sister Cecilia, which up to now, I still mourn and grieve?

My condition at present is difficult. Just right timing for me to get an email from my ex-girlfriend-turned-best-friend, Eileen. The email has given me so much encouragement and courage to keep going.

From: "Eileen Abustan"

To: "Albert Pilarca"

It says: hi, Remember this and smile ...
A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning.
The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child.
Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. Another and another were to follow quickly and with each the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.
When the mother's car drew up beside the child she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?"
The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty. God keeps taking my picture."

...May God bless you today as you face the storms that come your way.

Eileen