Dom says: More or less, this was how me and my superior corresponded with each other on issues and conflicts that needed to be attended, which, as a matter of fact, were the reasons why I came back to the Philippines in a short period of time. This is my email to him:
On 5/10/08, dom lawrence, OSB
Dear Fr Abbot,
I talked to him. The talk was light at first- then it turned so very heavy- so very emotional--and then it was light again...
The picture below shows me and bernardo (born in November 1946 as what he told me) taken just before we had a small sharing of food which was prepared by his eldest married daughter. I got an ample time to discuss with him the issues and conflicts that concerned me and him in a private room away from his family after our late-lunch.
The next day- that was yesterday, May 9th, I met eileen at a big mall called SM Mall of Asia and at a restaurant overlooking Manila Bay, we discussed the issues and conflicts that we had in the past.-
We started the conversation in a casual way over our evening meal of spaghetti-carbonara type of pasta and then after two hours of casual talk, I opened up my purpose of the meeting: She burst into tears- I was teary eyed and a big lump on my throat prevented me from talking but was able to compose myself and stiffen up after awhile and continued talking.
I was able to say what I had to say-asking for her forgiveness for all my misgivings-for everything, misdeeds and whatnot, in the past that I committed which caused her so much pains that she herself had admitted to me has affected her life so much.
After another two hours of very intense and emotional talk, she told me that she was granting me her forgiveness--and Alas! that was the moment when I exploded with tears...of gladness and of relief!....as well as tears of compassion because she told me that although she has granted me forgiveness,- she will continue to struggle against herself -and she told me further that she cannot just forgive herself just like that- not this time; of what she has done to herself: having mothered a daughter from a guy she never have loved- because of resentment and anger, of distress and hatred of what went on in our relationship... However, she told me that she will try to, in the future....
We ended up our talk almost 12 midnight- which started at around 7:45pm last night.
This is eileen (who was born June 4, 1960) and me while having our evening meal:
I already got the original copy of my certificate of Confirmation and Baptism -the ones asked by the seminary for my enrolment --I am coming back home with so much blessings of relief and gladness... Thanks be to God!
I missed you all and will go back home with a bright thought of a continued healing of all these hurts and pains that gripped me for so many many may years....
LOve,
Dom lawrence, OSB
my superior's reply:
5/10/08
Dear Dom Lawrence,
Blessings to you! I am here in Italy at the moment and just received your e-mail, which touched the very depths of my soul.
I am so happy for you and for your brother, Bernardo, and also for Eileen.
How difficult this has been for all of you and how healing it can be if you keep it all in our Lord Jesus Christ.
Forgiveness is such a wonderful gift for all of us and it can do the healing of all of our brokenness.
It will still take time for that healing to deepen itself within you and it will take time for that forgiveness to reform that brokenness of all that has happened.
But that forgiveness can be the basis of learning how to relate with every person in your life.
May the Lord give you so many graces from these encounters and draw you deep into His heart, which is compassion, love and forgiveness.
I send you my love and prayers and a HUGE HUG.
Your brother in the Lord,
Abbot Philip
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