Calm questions get answers

Ellen says: When we want something or expect something from someone we tend to go through various phases. Maybe, we start by waiting, without even asking. Then we ask nicely. Then we ask more forcefully. Then we demand. Each step of the way we get more upset. This can happened whether we arec dealing with a child or with an adult, whether we are in family situation or having the car repaired.

While the step that we choose in escalating a situation may seem natural to us, they are not particularly useful. Instead of automatically getting more upset, we need to think in terms of actually solving the problem we have encountered. If we focus on the solution, we will realize that calm but firm is far more productiveapproach than urgent and upset.